Top 10 Things I learned from my last relationship

10. Bitter is an emotion that should be freely and openly expressed.
9. Portland is not for me.
8. I want a pet that responds to commands like: bark, roll-over, attack and destroy
7. Taek Won Do? Sure, sign me up!
6. If Jerry Springer heard my story, he’d say: “Boy, that’s fucked up!”
5. There’s no place like home Toto!!
4. 9mm Glock? Sure, I’ll take one!
3. Revenge is a dish best served by a Federal Prison Guard.
2. My new theme song: “What’s love got to do with it?”

And the number one lesson learned:

1. Joe was really not a bad guy